I spend most of my working day on the phone with men who have just joined a dating site to meet a Filipina. Some are excited. Some are already a little frustrated. Almost all of them ask some version of the same few questions.

So here they are, roughly in the order I hear them.

This one comes up all the time, and a lot of men assume the profile is fake.

Usually it isn't. Millions of Filipinos work overseas. You'll meet nurses in Saudi Arabia, domestic helpers in Hong Kong and Singapore, hotel staff in Dubai. They send money home, they come back between contracts, and many of them are on dating sites because their working life leaves little room to meet anyone.

One member our team spoke with this year is in a relationship with a woman working as a domestic helper in Singapore. Her days are long and her employer is strict, so they talk when she can. Her pay covers her children's school costs back home. Her contract ends next year, and they plan to meet when she goes home. None of that is a red flag. It's an ordinary overseas worker's life.

So I tell men: don't write her off because of where she is. Ask her about her job and her contract. A real overseas worker can tell you when her contract ends and when she last went home. Those are easy, normal questions.

It means something different than it does in the US.

The Philippines has no general divorce for most citizens. A woman whose marriage ended may have been apart from her husband for ten years and still be legally married. To remarry, she needs a court annulment or a declaration that the marriage was void, and that takes time and money.

That doesn't make her dishonest. But it does matter if you're thinking about a future together. Ask her plainly where things stand, and whether a case has been filed. If she gets vague, take note. Later on, a Certificate of No Marriage (people call it a CENOMAR) from the Philippine Statistics Authority shows whether she has a marriage on record.

I hear this one a lot. One man asked us whether the women he liked were "always offline" and whether that would ever change.

Most of the time it's the phone. Many women log in on mobile data for a few minutes at a time, between work and family. The site may show her online for a little while after she has already put the phone down.

The fix is simple. Send a message and let her answer when she logs in again. Don't read too much into the green dot.

Men tell me they write three paragraphs and get back "ok po" and a smiley.

Some of it is English. Many Filipinas read English well but feel shy writing it to a foreigner, especially at first. Some of it is the phone: a lot of women are on prepaid data, on a cheap phone, in a house full of people. And some of it is culture. Being forward with a man she just met isn't how many women there were raised.

Ask simple, specific questions. "What did you eat today?" gets a better answer than "Tell me about yourself." If you're still getting one-word answers after a couple of weeks, though, it's fine to move on.

A member who had only dated American women before described it well. The messages come back to back, fast. Then they stop. No "I have to go." An hour later she's back as if nothing happened.

That's normal. She got called to help in the kitchen, or her load ran out, or the signal dropped. It isn't rudeness, and it usually isn't a sign she's lost interest.

The same member had a call set for the morning. She had just finished a work shift. She didn't answer, and later she sent him a picture of her lunch. He was nervous and getting mixed signals.

My advice to him, and to anyone in that spot:

1. Ask her what hours she is usually free. Many women work shifts, and many live with relatives in a small house where privacy is hard.

2. Ask for short calls. "Can you talk for two minutes?" is easy to say yes to, and two minutes often turns into fifteen.

3. If you're getting mixed signals, ask her about it, kindly. She may be shy, or she may wonder whether you're talking to other women.

One missed call is not a pattern. Several missed calls with no explanation is.

This surprises a lot of men. Some women ask early, "Are you my boyfriend?" Some men say yes to be polite, and then she goes quiet, or the relationship turns out to be different from what he wanted.

You don't have to answer that question in the first week. It's fine to say, "I like talking with you, and I want to get to know you better before we decide that." A woman who is serious will respect that.

One man asked us this directly. He said he liked walking in the park and holding hands, and she said she loved that too. He wondered whether she would have said that no matter what.

Sometimes, yes. Many Filipinas were raised to be agreeable and not to contradict a man, especially early on. So ask open questions instead of yes-or-no ones. "What do you like to do on your day off?" tells you more than "Do you like the beach?"

Not at the start. My advice to every member is to keep your options open until you've actually found the right match. Get to know a few women. Talk, do video calls, see who shows up consistently.

One member told us he keeps it to about three at a time, so he can give each one real attention. That seems about right to me.

Men sometimes feel guilty about this. They shouldn't. She may be talking to more than one man too, and that's normal for the first weeks.

Eventually, sure. Not yet.

I tell men to keep the conversation inside the dating site for at least the first two weeks, or until you trust her. Most of the money requests members tell us about started after they moved off the site. Once you leave, the site can't see what's said and can't step in.

A member our team called recently did it the right way. He waited about two and a half weeks, by which time they had talked on video and he knew she was real. Then they moved to another app. They're exclusive now, and he's planning a trip to the Philippines next year to meet her.

A real woman who likes you won't disappear because you said "let's stay here a little longer."

That's for you to decide, not me. But decide early. Many women on these sites are single mothers. One member told us nearly every woman who wrote to him had children, and he wanted a family of his own with someone who didn't have kids yet.

If that's you, use the advanced search. On Christian Filipina you can filter by whether she has children and whether she wants them. Then you're not guessing.

If you're open to kids, ask how many children she has, how old they are, and who looks after them. Ask whether she would want them to come with her if she moved. The kids are part of the deal, and so, usually, is her mother.

A man in his 40s told us it amazed him how many women in their 20s wrote to him. In the Philippines, an age gap is more accepted than in the US, and many women say they prefer a mature man.

Ask her what she wants for her own life. A woman of 22 may still want to study nursing or teaching. Talk about that early. And check your own age filter. If you set a narrow range, women outside it can't write to you at all.

There's more on this in our article on the age gap.

Sometimes it's her internet. Signal in the provinces can be bad, and a video call on a weak connection freezes every few seconds.

But a woman who has internet for long chats and still never turns on her camera after a couple of weeks is a warning sign. Ask for a short call, even five minutes. And remember that a video call is a good step, not final proof. Filters exist now that change how someone looks on camera.

The Philippines is 12 or 13 hours ahead of the US East Coast, and 15 or 16 ahead of the West Coast, depending on daylight saving time. The Philippines doesn't change its clocks.

Most couples settle on two windows: your early morning, which is her evening, and your evening, which is her morning. Pick one that works and keep it. Showing up at the same time every day does more for trust than a long message now and then.

Shift work changes the math. One member works nights, and so does the woman he likes, which put them on almost the same schedule. Tell her your hours and ask for hers.

There's a call planner in our time zone article if you want to see the overlap for your city.

Never send money. Not for a phone, a passport, a hospital bill, or a visa. I say it to every member, every time, even the ones who've been married before and know all this already.

One member told our team about women who sent him suggestive photos and then asked for money. He said, "I'm not looking for pictures. I'm looking for a wife." He was right to walk away.

It isn't because Filipinas are after money. Most of the women I deal with are sincere. It's because money requests are how scammers make their living, and once money is part of the relationship, it's very hard to tell which kind of person you're talking to.

If something feels off, block and report the profile. That's what we're there for.

I work at Christian Filipina, where I lead the Success Team. If you have a question I didn't cover, it's probably one I'll write about next.