I lead the Success Team at Christian Filipina. Most of my working day is spent on the phone with men from the US, Australia, Canada and the UK. Most of them are in their 40s, 50s or 60s. They're good men looking for a serious relationship, and they want it to be real.

I also hear the moment things go wrong.

It goes like this. He connects with a woman. She's lovely. Her messages are sweet and attentive. She asks about his day and sends him good morning messages, and he starts picturing a future.

Then money comes up.

Sometimes it's small. A little for phone load so she can keep talking to him. Sometimes it's bigger: a broken phone, a sick relative, or the fee for a passport so she can "come visit."

Now he's stuck. If he says no, will she think he's cheap and walk away? If he sends it, is he being played?

A member our team spoke with recently had been talking with a woman for weeks. First she needed money for her grandmother's medicine. Then there was another reason, and another. We offered to have her meet our staff in person so we could confirm who she was. She didn't show up. When we called him, he told us he was worn out and hurting.

If you're in that spot right now, slow down. Don't send anything yet. Here's how this usually plays out, and how to protect yourself without giving up on finding a good woman.

When we look back at what members have told us over the years, the money request almost never comes in the first message. It comes later, and it usually comes after one specific step.

That step is getting you off the dating site. She suggests WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, FaceTime or email, often within the first few messages. Sometimes she says the site is hard to use on her phone. One excuse members have reported made our whole team shake our heads: she wanted to move to WhatsApp "so we do not violate the Terms of Service."

That's backwards. The rules are there to protect members. When someone is in a hurry to leave the site, it's usually because she wants a private channel where the site can't see what's being said. One member told us the money requests started once he moved to WhatsApp.

Then comes the crisis. The reasons members report to us are remarkably similar:

One member summed it up on a call: "My phone doesn't work, let me get the passport, medical clearance, visa application, all so they could get a few dollars."

The requests often start small. But once a man sends money one time, the emergencies tend to keep coming, and they get bigger.

Another member described how fast it can happen. A woman kept sending him chat requests, so he agreed to talk on WhatsApp. He said it took about 30 minutes to go from "Hi, how are you?" to "Send me the money for my visa." He told her he could fly to the Philippines himself, or pay the embassy directly. She wasn't interested in either option. That told him what he needed to know.

When a man runs into this two or three times in a row, he gets angry, and I understand why. It hurts to find out that someone you thought cared about you was working an angle.

Some men tell us flat out, "Every single one of them asks for money."

I push back on that every time, because it isn't true. Most of the women I deal with are sincere. They work, they support themselves, and they'd be embarrassed to ask a man they've never met for cash.

That includes Filipinas working overseas. We have real members working as nurses, caregivers and hotel staff in places like Dubai, Singapore and Hong Kong. Don't assume a profile is fake just because she isn't in the Philippines.

The problem isn't that every woman is a scammer. It's that scammers are out there, and men often miss the signs until they're already attached. The signs members mention most:

Scammers like paperwork excuses because most men don't know how the paperwork works.

A Philippine passport comes from the Department of Foreign Affairs. She books an appointment, brings her documents, and shows up in person. It isn't expensive, and a working adult can pay for her own.

Visa and passport fees are paid to the government, not wired to someone you met online. If she says an "agent" needs a cash deposit from you, that's a scam.

And if the plan is for you to go there, a US citizen can usually visit the Philippines for up to 30 days without a visa. Nobody needs your money to arrange that.

Every member who talks to our team hears the same rule: don't send money to anyone you've only met online.

Not for phone load. Not for groceries. Not for medicine, a hospital bill or a plane ticket.

This isn't about being stingy. If you marry, you'll take care of each other. But before you've met in person and spent real time together, money changes the relationship. If she's a scammer, you're paying for the scam. If she's genuine, you've started something unhealthy where you're the wallet instead of the man she's getting to know.

Here's what to do when money comes up.

Say no, kindly and clearly. No lecture needed. Something like: "I really enjoy talking with you, but I don't send money to anyone I haven't met in person." Then watch how she reacts. A sincere woman may be embarrassed, apologize, and keep talking to you. A scammer will go cold, guilt-trip you ("I thought you cared about me"), or disappear. If she disappears, she did you a favor.

Stay on the site for at least two weeks. Don't hand out your WhatsApp number or email right away. If someone pressures you to leave the site immediately, slow down.

Keep your options open early. A lot of men find one attractive profile on day two and stop looking. Talk to a few women. When you see how normal women talk to you, without any requests, the odd ones stand out.

Keep it clean. Don't send explicit photos or do explicit video chats with someone you've only met online. Besides being against the site rules, it's a common setup for blackmail.

Block and report the profile. Some men have told us they knew a woman was asking for money but didn't report her because they didn't want to get her in trouble. I understand the kind heart behind that. But you're not getting an innocent woman in trouble. You're keeping the same person from doing it to the next man. The site removes scammer accounts every day, but no site catches all of them, and member reports are a big part of how they get caught.

Get a second opinion. If you're unsure about someone, ask. On Christian Filipina, some membership levels include a Second Opinion Consultation, where our staff call the woman directly to check that she is who she says she is and feels the way she says she does.

Finding a good, loving Filipina partner is very possible. Just protect your heart and your wallet while you look. The right woman will want you for who you are, not for what you can send her.